ENGLISH JOKES SMS

ENGLISH JOKES SMS


Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence.   How many would be left?”
 Boy: “None.”
Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!”  Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
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- Doctor, help me! In my dream mice play football. I can not sleep!
-I'll give you a drug, and you must begin to  drink it from  today.
 - Doctor, can I drink it tomorrow?
 - Why?
- Today is the final.
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GALILEO:great mind
EINSTEIN:genius mind
NEWTON:extraordinary mind
BILL GATESbrilliant mind
ME:master mind
YOU:
oh!
never mind
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Who said English is easy???
Fill in the blanks with YES or NO.
1.______I don’t have Brain.…
2.______I don’t have Sense.…
3.______I am Stupid....

Write answers in group ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company..
He said,
“Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?”
The applicant replied, “Yes sir! I did.”
Then the boss said,” Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
There was no mat!”
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Two factory workers are talking
The woman says, 'I can make the boss give me the day off.''
The man replies, 'And how would you do that?''
The woman says, 'Just wait and see.' She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, 'What are you doing?''
The woman replies, 'I'm a light bulb.'
The boss then says, 'You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.''
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, 'Where are you going?''
The man says, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'
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A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.   While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye.  “Are yo happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.
 He said, “No.   I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years.   Tomorrow I could have been free!”
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Parachute Training

On the first day of a parachute training, Akpos listened attentively to the instructor. The instructor told them to start preparing for landing at 300 feet
AKPOS: How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?
INSTRUCTOR: That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.
AKPOS: (After thinking for sometime) What if there is nobody I know on the ground?๐Ÿค”
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A substitute teacher walks into the classroom, on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Akpos, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!" She yells, "Who's Akpos?" This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Akpos." "Well, Akpos, your staying after school!"The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "IT PAYS to ADVERTISE."
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Little Mary came back home after school and said,  "Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"  The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,  "And how did this happen?"  "It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
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